african cold

July.17.2011 at 6:28 pm · Filed under Uncategorized and tagged: moçambique, winter

if one could get 1 metical (which is mozambican for “worth nothing”) for eveytime people laughed, or snorted or thought it’s ridiculous when someone in Mozambique says “it’s so cold here!”… that ONE could be filthy rich. which in other words means, I’D be filthy rich… but here, these days… you can only get poorer and poorer and poorer… even if just in the cultural department.

about the weather, the way i see it is, that if you don’t believe us who live here and are trying very hard to keep warm without looking like a snowboarder in Hawaii then here is my thought-out (yes, i spent time thinking about it…) theory on african, no sorry, Mozambican weather.

let it be knwon to you, whoever and wherever you are, that if you’re in the north hemisphere your recall of winter is long gone so you’ll have a hard time putting this all together, so i understand if it doesn’t make sense, but i’m sure lots of other people in Maputo (who have lived in belgium… ) will agree with me.

start with BELGIAN WEATHER, let’s say around March! I specify the exact month because then in BE the snow season would be over and people are anxious for sunny days, or just sunny minutes to refill on vitamin D.

so, March in Antwerp:

. turn the temperature up a few degrees around 16, which would be summer in A’pen, but not here

. add more rain, yes, EVEN MORE rain. and they call summer here the rainy season!! pff

. take the scarves, sweaters, boots, gloves and any self-heating clothes that you might be wearing if in A’pen

. add lots of wind

. make sure your house has NO double glass windows

. take out all heaters in your house, not the portable ones, yes the ones that come with the house itself… central heating

. make sure all windows and doors are hand-made so the the cold and wind can get through the large cracks (so stylish… and so cool in summer) in between pieces

. now add an ocean where the wind comes from

. make sure your closet, as the emigrant that you are, is basically filled up with bikinis, beach towels, skirts and tops… and maybe, just maybe 2 cardigans

i think that’s about it… oh and take off hot water in the bathroom adn kitchen sink…

ok… now, enjoy Mozambican’s winter!

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