Archive for March, 2011

more than 37 weeks…

my baby boys are now out of me for more than they were in… don’t mean to be gross, but that’s how i saw this moment. they are now completely free. i am no longer the one who protected them the longest, i am the one with him who show them the world…

they have been growing up fast, indeed very fast, and sometimes i realize that i never really knew what nine month old babies could do. standing up on their own, trying to walk every change they can, or crawling backwards but still crawling, chatting as if they are grown ups are all thing i thought older children did, and not babies… not mine at least. but as i sit on the couch and look at them playing, i know that this is what it’s supposed to be like. i’m supposed to feel overwhelmed when i see them “understanding” what we ask and say, i get teary when i see F walking, when M talks as if making ocnversation. i am just one old fashioned mommy.

i get worried when someone says “i think he has a fever” or “he’s a been quiet”, but i also know that my babies have never been ill, and have never forgotten to smile at us, to us and with us. my babies are known for their beautiful smiles, funny sounds, admirable atitudes, amazing interaction, there is not one person we know here that hasn’t been able to hold up and play with them without having this true, warm and funny reaction. they allow anyone to get close, look at them but it takes a song, a smile, a toy and the sounds of their names to make them clap their hands and laugh out loud.

watching them adapt to everything that is new to them is almost as if i’m watching myself. i wonder if i was the same way, if i got scared when a heard a scream, or if i got happily excited when i heard a dog barking in the neighbour’s yard, if i also clapped my hands really hard when my dad came home from work, if my mother also picked me up and allowed me to caress her with my tiny fingers. i imagine myself also trying very hard to crawl, getting upset because the toy i try to reach seems to get farther away, but feel proud when someone picks it up for me anyway. was i also an early morning baby, and did i also have a bed full of soft toys with which i played for hours by myself?

was i like F that jumps up when he seems me and asks for my arms to hold him, or was i like M that dances everytime i sing to him. was i also nto afraid of much and happy with most. was food such a pleasure as it it for them, i mean these boys eat anything: carrots, potatoes, sweet-potatoes, eggplant, mushroom, corn, tomato, spinach, green beans, rice, pasta, chicken, rabbit, turnkey, fish, apple, pears, papaya, mango, banana, peach, prune, avocato… and pápa cerelac, cookies and sometimes a birthday cake!

going to work has been a challenge, i’m not as professionally fulfilled as i used to be when i had only myself to worry about, ok sometimes with him to, but now i leave them while they’re still awake and no matter how much they wave good-bye to me, and seem happy and healthy from the door, i think about them a lot during my five hour workday, i just can’t wait to see them again, for i feel sometimes so lonely without them. they say hello when i get home in a way i can never explain but my heart skips a beat, i know it, and relaxes when i kiss them hello. all my worries from home seem so small, so ridiculous around them. they are the cause of my lack of concentration and i admit i have made some bad calls, i’ll pay for it in the long run, but my excuse is real, and tiny and cute. i wish work was more stimulating as they are, but it will get there as they will grow i’m sure.

it is definitely something i want to have close to me, and nothing this simple has ever made me so complete. but also so exhausted.

these first nine months have been like another pregnancy, in a strange way now i’m ready to see them agian after this last period of being tired. because of work i’ve been running from one place to another and eventhough i work only mornings the rest of my day is spent between organizing baby food, supermarkets, supply shopping and making sure i don’t have one meal not taken care of for them, this has made me hate being in the kitchen for too long and skipping lots of dinners for my stomach is full from the smells of healthy baby soups such as potatoes, pumpkins, green beans, spinach, apple, pear, papaya, mango, banana, lettuce, courgettes, spaghetti, rice, peach, chicken, fish, rabbit, lamb… my oh my how i wish i didn’t have to feed them all these vegetables. it makes me lie all the time, for they are my enemies, the veggies i mean, and i have to pretend “it’s good for you!”… when i know one day in their lives, if they’re anything like me, they’ll hate them all. but i’m persistent and they will try everything if it depends on me! stay strong mommy!

so i guess in nine months i feel tired but somehow relaxed. my boys eat well, sleep well, crawl (backwards), stand (with help), talk (…don’t ask what…), play with eachtoher (more like stealing eachothers toys and smiling as if it will last forever this freindship!), get angry (and scream my ears off), touch stuff they can’t, and take two baths per day in this too hot country! my boys are growing and we’re right behind them.