Archive for twins

a birth story…

that morning i woke up feeling tired for the first time in 37 weeks of a wonderful pregnancy. someone once told me “the moment you feel tired, something’s about to happen”… they were right.

my c-section was scheduled for two days later and i had spent the day before enjoying a wonderful time with friends on our terrace eating a great and tasty bbq. i was not worried, but that morning i woke up wanting to go back to bed. my sister sent me an sms very early knowing i was waking up early too to pick up my in-laws telling me that i should measure my blood pressure just to keep an eye on it until the delivery on wednesday… she knew i had no more appointments until then so as a doctor herself her advice was very clear. as he went into the coffee place i decided to go to the pharmacy and have that blood pressure measured… as the nurse measured it and his eyes become worried i felt a small panic inside… “maybe you should call your doctor…” i did… “stay calm… get someone to drive you to the hospital asap and i’ll be right there” i cried… there was no one to drive me… i drove myself to the hospital with a very high blood pressure, two babies kicking and tears swelling up in my eyes… while i drove, he made a few calls and his parents who were already waiting for us at the airport were picked up by someone else and found out in their first moments in lisbon that they’re 5th and 6th grandchildren were about to be born.

as i parked the car in a non-parking zone and walked slowly to the EMERGENCY entrance at the São Francisco Xavier Maternity Ward in Lisbon i felt better, someone feeling them move and kick made me know we were ok. the three of us.

the doctor that received me was not the onw i was witing for… in a public hospital you can’t really chose… so i took it as it came. she meassured my blood pressure confirming it was too high. she decided that i should calm down a bit before deciding to deliver the babies and with that deciding also to do one last ecography to see if everything was ok.

it was then that my sister walked in and held my hand. things weren’t supposed to be this way but it took about 5 long minutes of silence, 2 more minutes of calling another doctor and a very long sigh… “one baby hasn’t survived” i heard… i’m sure my heart skipped a few beats. my sister, doctor as she is but more importantly my sister, gasped, cried, and left to not make me nervous. i yelled to her not to tell him… and i told the doctor ignorant as i alsways have been in medicine… “it’s not true. they’re both alive… but if i’m wrong, please get my little bosy out” no one had told me they were boys, but i knew it, for 37 long weeks i knew they were boys… two… two alive little boys. but i’m not a doctor, just a pregnat woman speaking as afraid as she’s ever been. tears ran down my cheeks slowly and quietly and a silent prayer was said. i felt the kicks still and secretly hoped the doctor was wrong. another 2 minutes went by that seemed so long until i hear “no… it’s here, it’s here. they’re both alive”, no excitement, no happiness but a beating tiny heart making all the noise it could to make mommy know everything was going to be ok.

after that everything went a bit too quickly eventhough i had to lay down for about 20mins in order to slow down my blood pressure and be ready to deliver the babies in a c-section.

i didn’t tell him straight away, i let him not worry about it until the day after. so i went into this surgery room hoping i’d leave it with two perfect little boys that would be as beautiful as he was… at least to me.

c-section isn’t something i’d chose myself, but i believed and still do that mother’s in labor should suffer the least in order to give their best afterwards. in case of twins, if one delivery can strain you, two is just crazy. i didn’t give much thought, i wanted them out, clean and smelling of CHICCO products, no matter how they got there. but… if i can be totally honest a c-section is a traumatizing occasion. i hated it. i felt as if they were just plainly shaking my body back and forth, i felt nauseous, dizzy, tired and i admit, afraid. not feeling almost your whole body is a horrible experience… until… until you hear that cry.

matteo arrived first right at 13:01, just in time for mommy to skip lunch and there for helping me lose weight… he cried, not loud, but still a powerful cry. Federico arrived three minutes later at 13:04, crying the same tiny, quiet but beautiful sound. this time tears fell again but my heart pounded so much stronger! they were here… just a meter away from me… they were alive. i kept thinking they’d die riht away, thinking that because they couldn’t find a heartbeat that someone they were born with some defection in their hearts…

i cried a lot, silently, watching the nurses clean and dress them, but it wasn’t until they brought them to me, and laid them in my arms that i realized there was nothing to cry about, nothing to be afraid, they needed me and i was ready, whatever came our way i was there. they were finally here… my tiny little boys.

the three of us “lived” together still by ourselves for another two hours, and in those two hours i talked to them constantly, reminding them who i was, what was about to happen and how i wished the best in the world. they were the most perfect little boys and i was the happiest and most fullfilled woman on the planet at that moment. at least until he saw them and named them… then yes, i was done. everything i ever wanted was there… the pain was gone, the fright relieved, and worriness diluted… at least for then. and he was in love.

three days later we went home, from that moment on we were a family, learning everyday, together and for eachother.

i will never forget the day you were born my bunnies and no matter how scared i was deep inside i knew it couldn’t be true. sometimes instinct is all that keeps you focused. trust it… always.

 

1 year!

10… 11!

it’s not that the 10th months of their lives doesn’t deserve a post of it’s own, but when i realised it was already too late… it went by not quickly but full of so many things that i couldn’t keep up!

it was their first month when they were sick, they had had a cough or so before, a fever a few times but never long and this time it came crashing down on them, to the point of resisting antibiotics. i hate them specially thinking about using them on little babies, of ocurse i wouldn’t be such an idiot if they had to use it, but risting is a priority to me… but we arrived to a point of doing something other european parents never think of… the malaria test! we tried not thinking of it too much but it’s necessary, and it was negative, thank goodness. of course deep inside i thought it couldn’t be positive, but it’s awful to hear their litle cries and realize that you wish you didn’t have to hurt them and live in a place where these diseases don’t exist. so, i cried too with them and hated that feeling because i’m supposed to tell them “it’s ok” and believe it… but for the first time in their lives i realised that i don’t know if it’s going to be ok all the time… i just wish as hard as them that it will.

we spent a few nights not sleeping very well, between feeding them light things and watching not want to play so long, and helping them breath with air masks and holding them for hours because they really needed to be cuddled and held close to our hearts. it went on for a while and a lot of cough syrup, a lot of aerosol machine noises, but they came ou perfectly well and in the end we know they had a “bronquiolite”, someone please trasnlate this is other languages because i sure have no clue what it is in dutch!

anyway to compensate this as soon as they were better their grandmother came to visit and brought them new shoes making them a lot more eager to stand up and hold on to the dvd collection bookcase and trying to get them out and decide for us which movie we’d see. they were slowly understanding how to reach things higher than themselves and how to get around the room… but crawling… that seemed ages from them!

by the time they were on their 11th month we took a weekend off to Ponta do Ouro and relax with our Mozambican “family” and enjoy what might be the last real summer weekend before the african cold comes around. Mila made sure these boys grew up quickly and made up for their ill days. because she, at 19months old, moves and walks and runs like the wind, these little boys didn’t know what was happening but i«m sure it was because of her energy and that good weather and that amazing beach that made them realize that the world is yet to be discovered!!! so… three days with her and by the time we were home i set them down on the wooden floor as i unpacked their bag from the weekend and off they went, crawling like never bef they had been wound up for a few days and were now crawling for the time they had spent not crawling. and they’re FAST!!!! we can’t keep up, and after 2 hours of running after them and saying things like “no!”, “don’t touch that!”, “not the shoes!”, “not the electrical wires!”, “no, no, no!” we gave up… we jsut let them go and wonder what they do next. somethings they have learnt not to do or touch, but others like computer wires and computers in general are too temptive. they basically explore everything and anything, so from this last month, every toom that is forbidden has the door closed, every cupboard with detergents, plates, pans, toiletries, anything is closed at all times. the kitchen is a NO NO zone and they somehow understand it when they’re already 1m away from the door, other rooms no matter how much we try to explain, they still go stright for it. and where one bunny goes, the other one follows. always! M. tends to be the leading man, he talks ALL THE TIME and it’s almost as if he’s talking to F. explaining what new adventure they’ll go on next, they make a line and off they go. one stands up, the other stands up, one picks up a shoe on the way, the other tries to get to the shoe too, one choses one dvd, the other choses another, and so on…

it’s a lot of fun. ok… also a hell of a job, but we love it in the end. because no matter how exhausting they make us, or themselves they alwasy collapse in our arms at night and know just how to become the perfect, quiet, still little boys they were born as. and i love silence, actually i don’t but now i do!

what else? oh yes, new foods have arrived, beans, bread (it took my a while to give it to them… seeing how much i love bread and how much it has given me, i wanted my kids to wait), fruit juices (again, unnecessary sugars), minced meat, a bit of ice cream (oops), one or two french fries (oops again), pizza (they say once they’re 1 they can eat anything… what’s 2 weeks going to change anything?? trying to make them have dinner at the dinner table has been a challenge, i try but i’m so lazy. so we end up giving them their dinner watching “toy story” so they can stay still… because if you’re not careful they’ll be inside the bathtub in one second! it’s a challenge.

and what can i say… they’re growing… and it’s so nice to watch from such a close angle. and hear sounds that almost make sense but only they get it and we pretend to our friends that we’re experts in it, but what do we know? ppfff!

in 17 days we’re off to lisbon and milan for a deserved holiday and 2birthday celebrations (we’re this type of family), one with PARABÉNS and another with AUGURI… soon another with GELUKKIGE VERJAARDAG  hopefully. it’ll be an experience, besides plane rides… and my babies will turn into little boys!

more than 37 weeks…

my baby boys are now out of me for more than they were in… don’t mean to be gross, but that’s how i saw this moment. they are now completely free. i am no longer the one who protected them the longest, i am the one with him who show them the world…

they have been growing up fast, indeed very fast, and sometimes i realize that i never really knew what nine month old babies could do. standing up on their own, trying to walk every change they can, or crawling backwards but still crawling, chatting as if they are grown ups are all thing i thought older children did, and not babies… not mine at least. but as i sit on the couch and look at them playing, i know that this is what it’s supposed to be like. i’m supposed to feel overwhelmed when i see them “understanding” what we ask and say, i get teary when i see F walking, when M talks as if making ocnversation. i am just one old fashioned mommy.

i get worried when someone says “i think he has a fever” or “he’s a been quiet”, but i also know that my babies have never been ill, and have never forgotten to smile at us, to us and with us. my babies are known for their beautiful smiles, funny sounds, admirable atitudes, amazing interaction, there is not one person we know here that hasn’t been able to hold up and play with them without having this true, warm and funny reaction. they allow anyone to get close, look at them but it takes a song, a smile, a toy and the sounds of their names to make them clap their hands and laugh out loud.

watching them adapt to everything that is new to them is almost as if i’m watching myself. i wonder if i was the same way, if i got scared when a heard a scream, or if i got happily excited when i heard a dog barking in the neighbour’s yard, if i also clapped my hands really hard when my dad came home from work, if my mother also picked me up and allowed me to caress her with my tiny fingers. i imagine myself also trying very hard to crawl, getting upset because the toy i try to reach seems to get farther away, but feel proud when someone picks it up for me anyway. was i also an early morning baby, and did i also have a bed full of soft toys with which i played for hours by myself?

was i like F that jumps up when he seems me and asks for my arms to hold him, or was i like M that dances everytime i sing to him. was i also nto afraid of much and happy with most. was food such a pleasure as it it for them, i mean these boys eat anything: carrots, potatoes, sweet-potatoes, eggplant, mushroom, corn, tomato, spinach, green beans, rice, pasta, chicken, rabbit, turnkey, fish, apple, pears, papaya, mango, banana, peach, prune, avocato… and pápa cerelac, cookies and sometimes a birthday cake!

going to work has been a challenge, i’m not as professionally fulfilled as i used to be when i had only myself to worry about, ok sometimes with him to, but now i leave them while they’re still awake and no matter how much they wave good-bye to me, and seem happy and healthy from the door, i think about them a lot during my five hour workday, i just can’t wait to see them again, for i feel sometimes so lonely without them. they say hello when i get home in a way i can never explain but my heart skips a beat, i know it, and relaxes when i kiss them hello. all my worries from home seem so small, so ridiculous around them. they are the cause of my lack of concentration and i admit i have made some bad calls, i’ll pay for it in the long run, but my excuse is real, and tiny and cute. i wish work was more stimulating as they are, but it will get there as they will grow i’m sure.

it is definitely something i want to have close to me, and nothing this simple has ever made me so complete. but also so exhausted.

these first nine months have been like another pregnancy, in a strange way now i’m ready to see them agian after this last period of being tired. because of work i’ve been running from one place to another and eventhough i work only mornings the rest of my day is spent between organizing baby food, supermarkets, supply shopping and making sure i don’t have one meal not taken care of for them, this has made me hate being in the kitchen for too long and skipping lots of dinners for my stomach is full from the smells of healthy baby soups such as potatoes, pumpkins, green beans, spinach, apple, pear, papaya, mango, banana, lettuce, courgettes, spaghetti, rice, peach, chicken, fish, rabbit, lamb… my oh my how i wish i didn’t have to feed them all these vegetables. it makes me lie all the time, for they are my enemies, the veggies i mean, and i have to pretend “it’s good for you!”… when i know one day in their lives, if they’re anything like me, they’ll hate them all. but i’m persistent and they will try everything if it depends on me! stay strong mommy!

so i guess in nine months i feel tired but somehow relaxed. my boys eat well, sleep well, crawl (backwards), stand (with help), talk (…don’t ask what…), play with eachtoher (more like stealing eachothers toys and smiling as if it will last forever this freindship!), get angry (and scream my ears off), touch stuff they can’t, and take two baths per day in this too hot country! my boys are growing and we’re right behind them.

eight and counting

eight months…

every months i think, “maybe this will be a slow month” and then, thirty days later i noticed that again it has been a wonderful, exciting and full of new things month!

just before i send out to friends and family their month pictures, i realize “jeez, so many!!!” because every month they have changelled us, themselves and have learned, done and experienced amazing things in just thirty days!!!

and this one has been one more WONDERFUL month!!!

where shall i start? have you read the post below? the food feeders have changed our lives, they eat anything that fits into that little net and chew on it with their lives. anything: carrots, apples, pears, bab«nanas, papaya, mango, bread, cookies and without ever chocking and scarying me to death! which is very important… they have learned to hold it in order to not get the food stuck and hard to find and behave themselves perfectly. no ingredient scares them, and besides the drool that comes with chewing delicious food, i’m very happy about it, thanks aunt Marta!!

important steps of the month:

. bath in the big bath . for whoever met them when they were newborns remembers how i dreaded giving them a bath, first because i thought it was useless being so small, but also because they cried all the way through… now you should see them! they dance, sing, clap wave, play and even chew the little duckies in the water.

we took our second “long” trip with the boys, 300kms up to White River in South Africa, makinh them have brand new stamps on their passports, adding another country to their list… 3 done, more to go! we visited the Kruger Park with them, and although they couldn’t really enjoy the views and the animals, mommy and daddy were excited for them!! and they brough good luck, it took about 3hrs but we finally saw all the animals, including a beautiful Leopard!!!! one day they’ll see the photos and i’m sure they’ll love it, knowing that we took them no matter how small they were and they will enjoy the stories we tell, we’ll make elephants gigantic, giraffes tall as rainbows, hippos dressed in tutus, and monkeys that tickled them to make it a dream story, because those are the ones that stick to you… them.

talking has begun in sounds that almost sound like something close to something, clapping is part of any conversation and dacing has taken place from Matteo as soon as we start singing. Federico likes to play his music instruments and so just like that we have begun a duo. daddy always said “i hope one is a musician”… mommy would like a writer… (but we’ll love you even if you become soccer players… please don’t though). it is something!

what else? so much and so few words to ectually explain everything. we see things change everyday, but still it is difficult to say it out loud, almost as if we see them grow before our eyes but can’t really tell you in what… they eat so well and bigger portions, they express themselves beautifully andfull of expression, they move without moving but in a way a growing child does. they don’t crawl and i think they never will, but love to stand up and hold on to things higher than them. they reach for things until their nose is on the ground but never more than the limit… for that would require crawling and these boys certainly don’t want to… they drink water from their cups like grown children, but love the sound of little chocking sounds. they adore being held in people’s arms, anyone who smiles really, but sometimes ask to be left alone in their play mat and chose carefully their toys. they sleep like angels, all night and fall asleep in their own beds while mommy closes the drapes and sings the “vitinho” song… it takes two, two complete songs and you close the door hearing their peaceful breathing… it’s good. it’s perfect.

it’s us

 

plus two tips of teeth… 9th month here we come…

products that work 002

i have a long list of products that work, starting from the newborn stage uç until the 8 months period, which i’m living in now, but i have GOT to show you this! FOOFEEDERS!!!

call me old, maybe you already knew of its existence, i didn’t, and i found them by a friend who lives in sidney, australia, Marta. she sent the twins via post these cool things and i’ll tell you the truth i thanked her excited out loud but i confess i8 had no idea what it was… i obviously am like a child and got excited by the nice vibrant colors (i have one for each twin and they are exactly the colors on the picture).

they were four months at the time and the box said it was for 6months and older… so i waited. at 7months i remembered to get them out of the “older presents” box and studied them, googled them and found out i was missing a great oportunity to give my boys fruit, vegetables, bread and cookies without them chocking!!!

they love it!!! and everyday for desert at lunch time they each CHUNKS of fruit in two seconds! they hold it with their lives and really enjoy it. they smile and laugh until the piece of fruit is gone… it is a great experience. they of course drool a lot and you have to make sure there are washable cloths close by, and their clothes go straight to the washer afterwards, but believe me, they get healthy by themselves this way.

it works! it’s a good thing! and it gives me a great pleasure to see them chew things. it’s great for their gums and for their teeth tips that we are anxiously hoping turn into real teeth soon!!!!

BUY IT!!!

products that work 001

nipple protectors

i know, it’s funny to open a blog and have nipple protectors as a welcome image, but i assure you, you have to read this or at least pretend. i found this product on an AVENT catalog, while i was 7months pregnant and wondering how the heck was i supposed to nurse (as americans like to say. breastfeeding for us other normal human beings) twins!

all around me people told me “breastfeeding is wonderful, but you’ll have twins so you probably won’t be able to…” or better “don’t even think about it, it hurts enough to breastfeed one, let alone two!”, or even “you’ll never have enough milk!”… or better days i’d hear “don’t even try it, because after a while you won’t have enough so at least you didn’t ruin your breasts!”… i was devastated.

i wouldn’t be able to give my own milk to my babies… i kept immagining all the disadvantages of it and felt horrible. the things you hear and read about breastfeeding makes you think babies that don’t are horrible. so… i panicked… TWO horrible babies was going to be too much for me. instead of letting the panick get out of proportion i decided to buy these NIPPLE PROTECTORS and think positive really, because ok so i was going to have twins, but who knew? i could probably nurse them for a few days have that mother/baby moment everyone talks about and then change to bottle feeding.

the moment they were born i put them to my breasts and noticed how easy it was for them to feed. they never complained and milk was slowly coming up… those first three days at the hospital i had no use for the PROTECTORS because milk isn’t so liquid so it was up to the babeis and my massages to give them enough food. it worked.

the day i left the hospital the nurse sadly looked at me and said “take this prescription for artificial milk and give it to them from the moment you get home, your milk won’t be enough”… i was devastated. on the way home i remembered the protections i had bought and how thinking positive soemtimes does work. so as soon as these babies got home i fed them. my milk had finally come up, it was liquid enough to put the protectors on and off we went. they fed for 20min each, never falling asleep, never distracting from their food and burped perfectly well. and guess what i didn’t feel any pain, nor sore feeling on my nipples afterwards.

everyday, and before every breastfeed i wondered if i had enough milk, but the other wonderful thing about the proctections is that if you have the feeling nothing comes out, juts slowly push it out of their mouths while they’re drinking and you can actually see how much milk is in it, making it very easy for you to understand the amount. it was always full to my delight. and at every feed my nipples were ok.

…the most horrible thing i heard someone tell me about these protections was that they would influence my babie’s mental development. that by using them, the baby would only get air inside, it would go up to his head and make him mentally disabled and basically not normal. i cried a lot becasue of this… i felt so annoyed and scared at the same time. i spoke to my pediatrician and she laughed, she said there was no way that could happen and i shouldn’t listen to people like that. that i should do what i felt was ok to do. whoever said those things had no idea how much that could affect MY mental health… but the person who made these comments will never understand how much it affected me and how ridiculous she is.

i never wanted to prove anyone wrong. i wanted only to give my babies the best, and if that meant breastfeeding for their first 3months for 16times a day, 8 for each baby, then that’s what i had to do. slowly at night he started giving them a bottle so i could sleep for longer hours at night, it made wonders, but my babies were having my milk for most of the day.

all this while using the AVENT protections and feeling so glad i did.

7 months i breastfed (the equivalent of 14months for one child!). 7 months i gave them what i could to make them as healthy as they could be. they have never been sick. they are very healthy. they seem normal mentally! ;) and my breast even though smaller they look ok after so much use. yes i do feel like i spent their first 7 months of life naked from the waist up, but it was all worth it and i hope that if i have any other children, hopefully just one at a time, i’ll be able to give it the same quality product too! all using something to protect myself too.

so. i reccomend it. i do. you might think it’s stupid, mothers don’t use it and are fine, sure, i know. but i didn’t want to risk having sore nipples and trying to breastfeed with a smile while crying of pain.

seven

no matter how much i get amazed by them each month… the month later takes my breath away. i hope it never stops and always perfect like this. always with nothing less than happiness in my heart.

these little boys are seven months old. we as a family as seven months old. and i just awww… i am fulfilled, i am happy and complete… as if never before i knew what that meant.

my boys can sit up straight and wave at their mommy with smiles, giggles and somewhat funny and ma da ba be words in M’s vocabulary and a few uuuu eeee iiiiiiii aaauuuuuuu ooooo in F’s… words indeed that make us crack up laughing because their faces are esquisite and almost make us understand what they say. that’s probably what i loved about this month, it’s that need for them to start expressing themselves not just through crying, but through sounds that don’t brake your heart. for instante, they cry now very seldomly, crying was never their favorite thing, and i confess i hated hearing it too, but now it seems it only happens when they fall backwards when sitting and mommy’s distracted, or when i insist on making them swim in the ocean, and instead they “call” us now with sounds, words if you like and giggle when they actually realize it works. and we love it.

the seventh month was also their mommy’s favorite month of the year, it’s my birthday month, i became 31 and enjoyed every minute of it, my day was my day with them for the first time and man did i love thinking that deep down they were singing “happy bday” for me hoping i’d hear it with my heart… i heard. i felt it and i’m sure they did.

xmas and new years was a beautiful experience, it’s indeed amazing how much more special these dates are when you have children around. in my family things were literally getting boring by the year and i confess it always brought me down. everyone spoke of dead people, sick people or alone people… presents sometimes felt had no personal intention and sometimes when they did… it didn’t seem appreciated. so i started giving myself less and less to the xmas spirit and just made it an excuse to go home, be on a holiday for 3weeks, enjoy my beautiful city of lisbon and pretend it was just another visit home. i even started imagining what it would be like if one could just sleep through it… like i use to with new years…

and then all of a sudden they’re here… and you wonder why the hell the spirit was gone… the spirit actually, that funny xmas spirit is still alive and kicking, because opening presents is just as amazing as creating someone’s first xmas… and all those traditions to come. we decided after much discussion that we’d have dinner at a cousin’s house like we0ve done the past two years, open their presents to us, and ours to them there, but keep the boy’s presents, from us, and anyone who was so kind for the morning of the 25th. this way mommy’s lifetime tradition and daddy’s were kept. on the morning of the 25th i was awaken by the boys chit chatting waiting for me to feed them and as i did i realized i was anxious for them to see the few presents they had in front of them… because the boys can0t climb into our bed yet, i woke him up and told them “the boys are up!” we both ran to the living room and together watched them try to understand why all of a sudden there was a tree with colorful balls and presents in front of them. mommy helped and slowly they started playing with their new toys. toys from italy, clothes from portugal, animals from maputo, decorations from mom and dad… it was something to see. i loved it. and maybe yes, opening presents in the morning has it’s beautiful moments, drinking coffee watching them play, still being in your pijamas and after so much happiness fall asleep altogether on the livign room floor… so maybe i can handle it, i can start this new thing, and slowly year by year make it perfect.

as for new year’s, we had no traditions to follow, but it’s true that last year, we were here, and this year we thought we should not go back to the same spot, but yet to the same feeling of summer, so off to the beach we went and enjoying the year end and start again in the sun, with swimsuits, ocean waves. we headed south to Ponta do Ouro and enjoyed a perfect long weekend of pure relaxation. we had the best company, grandparents and greatgrandparents for our bunnies, lots of cutenees and amazing food. no more, no less. just us.

and so another year begins and i have no intention of making resolutions i cannot keep, i have made some wishes, i have dreamt of certain things i’d like to happen this year… as a true portuguese i have 12 things i wish for, each with every raisin (tradition in portugal) but i have forgotten them already and that will make this year again a surprise. let it be.

i never imagined 2010 like it was, never thought how happy, loved, tired, overwhelemd, exhausted, smiley, sad, fullfilled, used, naked, complete and with two beautiful boys and a great “husband” i’d be… so, all i need for xmas and new year is them.