searching for you…

i wonder sometimes… when did it stop being so wonderful? when do you stop looking at your children and not be happy, or just amazed by their ability to learn, try and be surprised by the smallest things in life?
when did we stop being important enough to make those who made us not love us unconditionally?
i wake up every day and find my babies bigger, smarter and so much more fun than the day before… and sometimes when they sleep i can find, in the dark, things about them to be proud of and i look around and see by the ammount (not too many, mommy says!) of toys, by the growing complexity in those same toys, by the clothes that are already too small, by those that are still too big, and by the way their room is used, i can lose myself in tears and sighs just realizing how far they’ve gone already and how much it has changed me.
and still… i wonder in shock how for some people i know, their children have stopped surprising them, how they’ve “decided” to ignore how much they’ve grown, how far they’ve “travelled” and how much they have learned.
it seems to me, some have stopped looking around them.
some, have stopped wanting to know, to know about their children, in a way about themselves.

i get it… young adults are boring sometimes, babies are so much more fun to watch, but young adults were once babies too, their babies, and need those older to look at them as yound adults starting off but also need those baby awwing eyes too and i just wonder when that awww look stopped watching me?
…as i pray at night quietly for their wellbeing and health and cuteness to go on forever, i pray too that i never lose that aww look and no matter how embarassed they’ll get, and how much rolling eyes i’ll receive that i never, even for a second forget that the future yound adults were once my babies and need that amazed search in my eyes.

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1 Comment»

  tia filipa wrote @

andrea,
acho que sei do que estás a falar…
mas todos te queremos bem e todos já gostávamos de ti bem antes dos gemeos aparecerem e se alguma coisa mudou foi para melhor: só podemos ainda gostar mais de ti depois de teres trazido ao mundo as “coisas mais lindas” que há.
Não imaginas o que me custa ter-vos longe e o que me apetece ir aí buscar-vos.
Sei que não me posso meter nesse assunto nem pedir nada mas por isso mesmo, e para me protejer emocionalmente, tento pensar pouco nisso e deixar o tempo passar rapidamente até ao dia em que voltemos a estar todos juntos (algures por aqui?).
Tenho imensa pena de não ver os gemeos crescer (numa altura em que eles crescem todos os dias) e também de não te ver ser mãe.
Um dia tb te vou querer bem perto dos teus sobrinhos.

Espero que as tuas decisões te façam feliz, que contes conosco se precisares de ajuda e que saibas mudar de rumo se alguma coisa não estiver bem. Só assim é que nós aqui estaremos descansados.

beijo grande, tenho mtas saudades tuas!


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