three months of the four of us

i was right, the big challenge was definitely going to be Maputo. we made a choice to come back no matter what and we did. we have a house here and jobs we can’t afford to lose, some very dear friends and a life we have to admit is ours and we like it. sure there are a few… no, lots of things i can’t stand here and will one day explain but you have to live it to know it, but this was our choice for a life now and eventhough it’s very hard to explain to anyone, specially family, it’s our choice as individuals, as professionals and foremost as parents now. we believe in this choice, no matter how difficult it can be.

and without sounding like Charlotte in the SATC2 movie, who has lots of difficult moments with her two babies and has full time help and happens to be a millionaire… things can be rather difficult here too. i decided when we arrived that i wasn’t going to work so i can keep breastfeeding my babies and be quietly at home enjoying their fast growing days, but soon after i realized that while he was working and i was home with Edite, our housekeeper, the babies needed constant attention, not because they’re spoiled i believe but because between diapers, helping them fall asleep, breastfeeding, dressing, playing or just plain old organizing them, i couldn’t handle it. i know, there are people who have absolutely no help and still manage, but probably those people sometimes have family around… i don’t. and though that is sort of my choice, i am living my boys to the fullest and that’s why i hired a nanny and i get time not just for “myself” but i can finally work from home and though it’s not much that i can do because like i said, i’m still breastfeeding and for two babies that’s a lot of time busy.

but so, this month was a good month. i started working like i mentioned and again, it’s not much but keeps my mind off of diapers and milk and bottles or whatever, and because it’s from home i can still get up if they need me or just run to their room and kiss them ’til they get fed up, because they do these cute kids! and how cute are they!!?!!! the third month is indeed a great one, a changing one and a very compensating one. just when you think you have no more energy for the routine they’ve got you on, for the crying (which again i can’t complain too much about) for the surprise diapers that make you prefer moving rather than cleaning the house, they start SMILING… and not just those wierd moves they made with their lips when they were “babies”, no, this is definetely a smile, these you can take pictures of, these you can enjoy and brag about it without sounding like you’re too anxious, these mean something… and to me these smiles mean “i know who you are and you’re funny!” when they smile at me.

there is no “crying to be fed” that isn’t calmed down with a small word and a smile in return. that makes up for just about anything. almost as when i was pregnant and when i felt that first big kick and all the nausiousness i had felt went away. sometimes you get fustrated or angry even at yourself because you can’t calm them down, or they refuse to sleep in the afternoon when all you want is to work for an hour or so, or take a nap, or even just have a cup of tea staring at a wall… no matter how angry you can get, when you finally get a smile from them, it just seems all useless, all your stress, they can cure it. that’s how i got through my last months of pregnancy, when they kicked i laughed and felt no need to take naps, now when they smile i feel no need to worry.

but wait. smiles indeed are adorable, but what are smiles without baby chuckles? or without baby hands that try to reach their lips but aren’t coordenate enough, or baby feet that kick and baby legs that seem to want to walk, or baby arms that reach to get you, baby lips that frown when you say “wait one second while i go to the bathroom”, or baby eyes that shed tears when you take too long to get them from their beds in the morning? nothing…

this month was without a doubt a wonderful month for discoveries. specially for personalities, and though all books say never when you have twins compare them, i can’t help but notice how different they are in a few things. M. likes to have people around and will only smile with a chuckle if you tickle him, daddy’s beard works best and mommy’s singing, F. smiles from the moment he sees you and will not give up unless you dissapear, M. discovered his hand and loves eating it while F. only eats his hand if mommy takes a while to notice that he’s awake and hungry in the middle of the night. M. can put his little tiny feet on the bed and pull his butty up almost like asking “pick me up” and F. lifts his arms to ask for “colinho”. i have two boys who love being outside and though they scream while getting in the car, they love the wind, the sunny breeze and the attention they get from aunties, uncles and plain strangers. they have made friends who we try to see as often as we can, such as Mila, Gaspar, Dinis, Madu and hopefully so much more.

they fall asleep to the sound of the Simpsons song and also Futurama and nothing beats the music toy i played on my belly throughout the whole pregnancy. or the 50 laps we do around the hosue in the dark…

this third month took a while, people say it goes by fast, in some things it does, in others it seems perfect. i have two of each little new thing i can’t handle time going by too fast… i am loving getting to know them and i need time. that is why it’s so complicated thinking i won’t be home all the time in the future… i will eventually have to leave for work one day, and this is why i am starting the process of having them sleep in their own room at night too. it’s confortable, more for me, to have them right nex to my bed to breasfeed, but now they already take the day nap in their room in their own beds, so i eventually have to let them go. it’s a big step for them and gigantic for me. i confess… the thought of changing rooms twice during the night makes me a bit lazy, but i know i can do it, we can all do it. it’s for their best.

and then, maybe then, i can start working in the office again and pretend i don’t have two adorable bunnies at home. but won’t it be worth it having them greet me with kisses and hugs? yes it will…

but until then, i’ll enjoy having them close in every sense and being able to give them the most wonderful food of the world, the most natural and the most safe makes me feel important and that somehow we’re still attached… funny because there are some days when i silently wish it to stop and for them to not depend on me so much, breasfeeding takes time, energy and iron away and somedays i feel dead… but then there ARE those smiles again and i wonder if i truly believe in detaching them from me…

maybe next month…

ah and by the way, it feels great to have them know exactly who i am and who he is. to be the special person who after hours in someone else’s arms can calm them down with just a kiss… this is my revenge for all the kids i babysat since i was 12 and only calmed down when mommy dearest arrived. there! i have two kids that adore me too!! ;)

another detail… they hate taking a bath…

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3 Comments»

  Helena wrote @

Os Nikos são os bebés mais lindos deste mundo e tu a mamã mais bonita que vi até hoje.
Bjs para os 4
Titi

  São Santos wrote @

Será que os intercomunicadores têm ajudado?
Não me tenho lembrado de perguntar.
Adorei ler as notícias.
Beijinhos aos 4.

  miss portugal wrote @

continuamos a esquecermo-nos das pilhas…


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