vó madalena 01.04.1922 – 16.12.2008

on the 13th of december when she talked to me on phone to wish me a happy birthday i couldn’t hear her, words were coming from her but she was already gone… i didn’t recognize her voice or her tone or even her heart… she was going… she was slowly giving up.
my grandmother madalena died three days later, slowly while holding my mother’s hand, apparently she didn’t suffer, she didn’t panic, she just let go and drew her last breath as if there was nothing else to do.
last time i saw her she was very smily, happy in her own way, not worried at all of her condition, still made a few remarks that makes us laugh because of her strange memory, still confused a few things that we had decided a long time ago to not correct because it was just too funny. she didn’t mind.

i didn’t have a great relationship with her, she was my mother’s mother to me, she once made me angry while i was a child and i gave up on us for 12 years, i never forgave her and she never insisted… you have no idea how much hurt and pain i feel for not being able to remember why i was so upset… what did she do to me that could made me stop holding her hand… i can’t remember and for the rest of my life i will hold on to the moment when she died as the moment that i should’ve said “i’m sorry”

for 6 years since i left lisbon i have suffered for anticipation of the things that can happen while i am away, i hated turning off my phone in case something happened but always thought if something dod happen i would fly home… until now… my sister is here and we thought about what we should do, we’ll fly back we said, but my mom decided to not let us, she said i’m here, she’s in peace and you need eachtoher there. “help eachother in this moment, let aldo and ana help you, and remember vó madalena is ok, she’s in peace and on her way to heaven… i need to be her daughter right now”
it is so hard to hear you mother be so strong when her mother has just passed away. i know she is suffering but when she talks to us she knows she has to be able to help us get through it too.

i knew this day would come when the distance between me and home would become so unbearable i would question where i am… i’m here and i won’t let this happen again…

i just hope she didn’t die angry, dissapointed, sad… just calm.
she was buried next to her husband, my grandfather mateus where he was waiting for her for the last 12 years. they’re together and i think though it will take some time we will be fine…

Advertisements

9 Comments»

  sofia wrote @

Um miminho grande por tudo!! não ha muito a dizer.. I know.. mas miminhos á distancia.. beijinhos grds ás 2 maninhas!!!

  vicky wrote @

Um beijinho grande para ti e para a mana!

  miss portugal wrote @

obrigada… mesmo muito obrigada

  luisaemadalena wrote @

um grande beijinho

  São Santos wrote @

Um grande xi-coração muito apertado para ti e para a Filipa.
Tenho estado em contacto com a tua Mãe e parece-me tranquila e em paz com a certeza que a Avó partiu serena e deixou de sofrer.

Espero que consigam passar um Bom NATAL.

Beijos da
Tia São

  Filipa Gato Lopes wrote @

Mil beijinhos gordos para as duas…!

Filipa Cat

  Eli wrote @

Mi dispiace tantissimo Andrea…..

Lo scorso anno purtroppo ho passato la stessa esperienza quando mi trovavo in India, quando, anche volendo, un aereo per tornare indietro non avrei potuto prenderlo…
Ti capisco e ti sono vicina, tanto.
Un abbraccio con tutto il cuore,
Eli

  M.Fátima P.P.Duarte wrote @

Qdo VóMadalena faleceu,o meu Amigo-colega(que criou o blog “portugaldospequeninos”),JoãoGonçalves, escreveu-me a seguinte mensagem:«Continuar é como dizia o Pápa JoãoPaulo II,ter esperança contra toda a esperança.E também contra o sofrimento.O encontro com a vida eterna é apenas isso:um encontro e uma mudança.Acreditar em Deus é estar à altura dessa mudança mesmo quando é(e é sempre)dolorosa.Nós ficamos mais pobres,mas a palavra do Senhor conforta-nos:”Tende confiança.Eu venci o Mundo”.Beijo fraterno.»

  filipa wrote @

só agora é que reparei: escreveste mal a data de nascimento da avó. ela morreu com uns lindos 85 anos de idade, por isso nasceu em 1923. o avô é que era de 1922.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: